Friday, August 16, 2013

"Operation Restore, Renew, Repair"

This has been the wonkiest year of my life. (Let's hope.)

And yesterday I finally realized, "I've had IT."

"I feel like a worn-out eraser."

And so I did what I thought would be most useful, I cursed into my pillow for 15 minutes I sat down with a pencil and paper and wrote down all of the things that I thought we're making me feel/think I'm a worn-out eraser.

And the list was LONG.

Like, real LONG man!

And then I worked out for 25 minutes and did 100 sit-ups. 

And then I looked at the list again.

And I realized, I'm really mad about this list: it feels like I can't really change the things on it (for the most part)! 


But I'm SO OVER being a worn out eraser!

So, something's gotta change, right? 

It does. It's time.

That's it. I've decided; it's time for a change.

So here's what 24 hours of talking to Dave, looking at my list, prayer, googling, reading, listening to The Preacher's Wife soundtrack, and talking to my doctor have helped me realize:

1. It HAS been a wonky year.
2. I should feel like a worn out eraser--because I am WORN OUT.

Aha! That's it!

So here's what I'm gonna do--because status quo SO-isn't helping matters:

I'm instituting "Operation: Restore, Repair, Renew" for myself.

And what's that look like, you ask? (Or maybe you didn't ask. Haha.)

Dawn's Operation Restore, Repair, Renew 

1. More sleep, less worry.
(By any means necessary. Cartoon club over the head? Melatonin? No TV after 5pm? Sure!)

2. A healthier diet with less garbage in my machine.
(If you've followed the blog for a while, you're tired of hearing me say this, but I literally ATE MY WAY through the Survivor post-game stress. Dangit.)

3. Expecting less from EVERYONE in my world--specifically, MYSELF.
(Type A/perfectionist personality has its drawbacks. Oh so many drawbacks. I LIVE for setting the "bar high." But for now, I'm so so so good with setting the bar low. For the love. Relax and enjoy, Dawn.)

4. Daily walks.
(All by myself. Sorry, but I can't talk and walk. Not my thing.)

5. Fewer new projects.
(And feeling good when I decline. No to new project = yes to my peace of mind.)

6. More focus/emphasis on the good.
(When you are crabby, it's easy to see only the crabby. I'm going to try and keep a gratitude list, surround myself with positive people, and positive media/books. I think that will help. Pssst: if you don't hear from me for a while, then you know you're on the Crabby List. LOL! )

7. Putting myself in the equation.
(I think many people--and ALL women--do this: we put our kids before ourselves. We put husbands/family before ourselves. We put friends' needs before our own. We put work before ourselves. Heck! We even put our pets before ourselves. But I'm telling you, there's got to be balance here. We all know this and yet the practice is so dang difficult. If you're like me, you actually believe putting yourself last is the noble/"right" thing to do. But seriously, if you're screaming curse words into your pillow for 15 minutes in broad daylight, I'm thinking you might need to revise your point of view. Yathink?

8. Teaching a bread-baking class once a month.
(I know this sounds like an added stress/project, but I love making bread. I love being around it--the dough, the process, the end product. I don't want to own a bakery. I don't want to make 400 loaves a month for people. I just want to be around bread once in a while--with people who love bread, too. So, I don't know how or where, but this is going to be my equivalent of taking a ballet class. So I'm figuring it out this fall. I want to have something that's MINE that I enjoy doing.)

9. Less time online; more time outdoors.
(The GREATEST blessing of Survivor was spending 24/7 outdoors. Don't get me wrong: I don't want to move to a Mountain Man Cabin in the middle of Nowhere. I just want more nature in my life.) (PS: Yes, I know it's ironic to blog this list, but I can't snail mail it to the Universe.)

10. Don't take/give crap.
(Maybe this is just part of getting older, but I'm seriously not taking anymore crap in my life. And I'm going to try not to give out any out! It's not my job to OWN other peoples' decisions and directions--that's THEIR job. So I'm going to be a lot more accepting of situations/realities and trust that in the big picture, love will prevail.)

11. Be open-minded.
(I'm going to try to be more willing/open to revision. Life doesn't have to be MY WAY or the "highway." So I'm hoping to learn to be more accepting to others' ideas, directions, etc. Particularly when it comes to this list, I hope I'll see how it goes and revise as I go.)

Okay, if you're still with me, thanks for taking the time to let me share/vent my life-in-progress. It means a lot to me.

Have a beautiful day. Don't forget to breathe and smile.



Lu and Zu.

PS: Just so you don't worry (mom), I'm "good," I'm just blogging my way through a cranky time in life. It's all good in the Big Pic. XOXO