Friday, August 16, 2013

"Operation Restore, Renew, Repair"

This has been the wonkiest year of my life. (Let's hope.)

And yesterday I finally realized, "I've had IT."

"I feel like a worn-out eraser."

And so I did what I thought would be most useful, I cursed into my pillow for 15 minutes I sat down with a pencil and paper and wrote down all of the things that I thought we're making me feel/think I'm a worn-out eraser.

And the list was LONG.

Like, real LONG man!

And then I worked out for 25 minutes and did 100 sit-ups. 

And then I looked at the list again.

And I realized, I'm really mad about this list: it feels like I can't really change the things on it (for the most part)! 


But I'm SO OVER being a worn out eraser!

So, something's gotta change, right? 

It does. It's time.

That's it. I've decided; it's time for a change.

So here's what 24 hours of talking to Dave, looking at my list, prayer, googling, reading, listening to The Preacher's Wife soundtrack, and talking to my doctor have helped me realize:

1. It HAS been a wonky year.
2. I should feel like a worn out eraser--because I am WORN OUT.

Aha! That's it!

So here's what I'm gonna do--because status quo SO-isn't helping matters:

I'm instituting "Operation: Restore, Repair, Renew" for myself.

And what's that look like, you ask? (Or maybe you didn't ask. Haha.)

Dawn's Operation Restore, Repair, Renew 

1. More sleep, less worry.
(By any means necessary. Cartoon club over the head? Melatonin? No TV after 5pm? Sure!)

2. A healthier diet with less garbage in my machine.
(If you've followed the blog for a while, you're tired of hearing me say this, but I literally ATE MY WAY through the Survivor post-game stress. Dangit.)

3. Expecting less from EVERYONE in my world--specifically, MYSELF.
(Type A/perfectionist personality has its drawbacks. Oh so many drawbacks. I LIVE for setting the "bar high." But for now, I'm so so so good with setting the bar low. For the love. Relax and enjoy, Dawn.)

4. Daily walks.
(All by myself. Sorry, but I can't talk and walk. Not my thing.)

5. Fewer new projects.
(And feeling good when I decline. No to new project = yes to my peace of mind.)

6. More focus/emphasis on the good.
(When you are crabby, it's easy to see only the crabby. I'm going to try and keep a gratitude list, surround myself with positive people, and positive media/books. I think that will help. Pssst: if you don't hear from me for a while, then you know you're on the Crabby List. LOL! )

7. Putting myself in the equation.
(I think many people--and ALL women--do this: we put our kids before ourselves. We put husbands/family before ourselves. We put friends' needs before our own. We put work before ourselves. Heck! We even put our pets before ourselves. But I'm telling you, there's got to be balance here. We all know this and yet the practice is so dang difficult. If you're like me, you actually believe putting yourself last is the noble/"right" thing to do. But seriously, if you're screaming curse words into your pillow for 15 minutes in broad daylight, I'm thinking you might need to revise your point of view. Yathink?

8. Teaching a bread-baking class once a month.
(I know this sounds like an added stress/project, but I love making bread. I love being around it--the dough, the process, the end product. I don't want to own a bakery. I don't want to make 400 loaves a month for people. I just want to be around bread once in a while--with people who love bread, too. So, I don't know how or where, but this is going to be my equivalent of taking a ballet class. So I'm figuring it out this fall. I want to have something that's MINE that I enjoy doing.)

9. Less time online; more time outdoors.
(The GREATEST blessing of Survivor was spending 24/7 outdoors. Don't get me wrong: I don't want to move to a Mountain Man Cabin in the middle of Nowhere. I just want more nature in my life.) (PS: Yes, I know it's ironic to blog this list, but I can't snail mail it to the Universe.)

10. Don't take/give crap.
(Maybe this is just part of getting older, but I'm seriously not taking anymore crap in my life. And I'm going to try not to give out any out! It's not my job to OWN other peoples' decisions and directions--that's THEIR job. So I'm going to be a lot more accepting of situations/realities and trust that in the big picture, love will prevail.)

11. Be open-minded.
(I'm going to try to be more willing/open to revision. Life doesn't have to be MY WAY or the "highway." So I'm hoping to learn to be more accepting to others' ideas, directions, etc. Particularly when it comes to this list, I hope I'll see how it goes and revise as I go.)

Okay, if you're still with me, thanks for taking the time to let me share/vent my life-in-progress. It means a lot to me.

Have a beautiful day. Don't forget to breathe and smile.



Lu and Zu.

PS: Just so you don't worry (mom), I'm "good," I'm just blogging my way through a cranky time in life. It's all good in the Big Pic. XOXO



  1. I SO needed to read you post. After an over the top stressful year, I am ready for many of the same changes. Thanks for being open and completely honest about your feelings! It's nice to know others have the same/similar feelings (i.e. swearing into the pillow).

    I just moved to South Jordan, and I would be willing to host one of your bread making classes! Honest! I have always been a little intimidated by the whole bread making scenario, and would love to take a class on how to do it. Sign me up!

  2. Hi Vickey! You're so kind. That would be fun on the breadmaking. I'm thinking once fall kicks in--it would be a good time. Email me if you're still up for it.

    Much love, chica!

  3. This sounds like a good plan! I could use many of these steps in my own life, so thanks for writing it all out for me :)

    I would also love to attend a bread making class! I don't turn my oven on if possible from about May to September, but then I like to cook and bake my way through fall & winter, so learning something new would be awesome to kick off the season.

  4. AnneMarie, It would be SO fun! (PS: Love the idea of no oven from May-Sept. Brilliant!) Stay-tuned for bread details.

  5. I too would love to have some dough "therapy"! I hope it is something I could attend too! Your list is awesome! I need to implement some of these too! Thank you for allowing us to share in the ups and downs of your life!!

  6. Sarah L.11:06 PM

    I so needed to read this tonight, Dawn! Thank-you for "keeping it real" on your blog! I have been in a bit of funk this summer and have been trying to do some soul-searching myself. It is nice to know that someone else out there is doing/feeling the same! It is so refreshing to me to read your posts everyday...your positivity is a bright spot in my mornings!


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